Monday, April 15, 2013

Sunday, April 14, 2013

No One Is Watching...hit the publish it...

MOney kills drive

Krysty - I don't have family to suppport me

MT -  driven

God makes us dream but won't let us sleep...wha?
God makes us dream, but won't set us free
God calls us dance to songs we can't hear

I could live out her legacy...but not, make it mine

i've never gone for the $.

Quality of life

NK - if you gave me a resume that said R&D  looking for a director job, I wold hire you for an R&D position

KK, JM - differnt catagory...very smart business people

NK, PM, MT - visionary (CR, Laura) too!

Robert Stevens, too

Some have the support of husband who make s$ so she can pursue dream
MT had  to support her to pursue her dream.

It's just me. No husband. I'm like the dude..

But I want that...just like at 13 when I found Peter Frampton - I didn't want to be his lover/girlfriend..I wanted to be his peer..him

Same at 1997 - I wanted to be bigger than AZ..bigger than PM - not just the

I want my freedom.

Do not want to spend the rest of my life, quietly fading away....


Aren't these background colours obnoxious? Hot Magenta and Brothel Red...this is how I feel inside right now.
I am so sick of everything right now. 
I have been trying to change some design elements on a blog that I use for business and NOTHING will fing change on it.
But on this silly blog, all changes excepted.

Both my parents are losing it. (minds..dementia)

I ran out of money because of my co-dependent nature. (trying to save my mom's business)
I am allegedly being offered a new job for between 80k-100k but nothing is firm.
OR should I completely dig in and take over the business that is to be handed to me but nothing is legal or on paper.
My good friend says that NOTHING is legal till on paper...well, duh...BUT Miss Co-dependent here is still willing to believe.

WTF is going on here! 
And then this morning, in my bathroom, I take a beautiful ceramic hook down that was on a loose nail. I say to myself,
"Better just take it down, Ivana, till you can put a molly in the wall and secure it properly. I'd hate that beautiful hook to fall on your head or WORSE, break."
Take hook down, place on radiator on top of towel.
"There you go, Ivana, being responsible is such a great feeling."

Come back just moments later, pick up the towel that I had inadvertently put on top of the hook on top of the radiator and what happens? You guessed it.
The fing hook falls to tiled floor and BREAKS AND the fing pieces are under the radiator so I reach for them, and CUT MY THUMB!

Why did I spend all my money on a business that I do not own?
I didn't create the mess but my whole life has changed because of it!

I get hopeful when I think of the future of it, then I get distraught, not believing, then this job offer comes, not before of course, but NOW.

I'm sick of these nebulous options. 
"be quiet and listen to your inner guidance..."


Friday, April 5, 2013

Phone test, there more?

I hope so..I'm getting it...well this blog thing that is. I got it yesterday and feel hopeful for today.

blog or die

i think that's what we're getting down too now.
i wanted to be able to blog my little heart out but i've told.some people about this blog and feel like i can't say all that i want at times. Maybe i knew on some level it would be hard to write my complete and full truth....some t, some shade.
i would like to.get over that.